Huffington Post: Cate Edwards on Elizabeth Edwards's "Defining Moments"

Defining Moments

Every person has a timeline of their own life, made up of the big moments in it -- the personal bests and worsts that singe their memories. On my timeline, one of those worsts came on November 3, 2004, when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. Another happened on March 22, 2006, when it was confirmed that her cancer had metastasized to her bones and it would be incurable.

People often call these "defining moments." But when I think about my mom, when I describe her, these are never the moments that come to mind. She taught me better than that. She taught me that the big moments count, of course; but she also taught me that most of life is what happens in between. So, that's how I think about her timeline -- as memories of the moments in between, because those are what truly define her.

I remember how much fun she was, the amusement she could bring to an otherwise boring occasion. For example, when I was growing up, she was constantly updating her hand-typed songbook. It was an intense piece of work -- put together in alphabetical order in a giant three-ring binder, which had to accompany us on all family road trips. She came up with a competition: my brother, Wade, and my dad would sing one song, and she and I would sing another; we would roll down all the car windows and sing as loud as we could; whoever sang loudest won. The sound our clashing voices produced was pure joy, egged on by the honks and stares from surrounding cars. (And, of course, she always declared our team the victor.)

I remember how superstitious she was about sports. She spent the second half of one home UNC basketball game in the bathroom at the Dean Dome because every time she came out, the Heels would start losing. The night before her lumpectomy in 2005, we sat in a small Boston hotel room, completely distracted by the best rivalry in college basketball -- UNC v. Duke. We superstitiously switched seats back and forth until Carolina started playing well, and when they won, we patted ourselves on the back for the victory.

I remember how well she could laugh at herself. I was at home in Chapel Hill one afternoon in 2009 and found my mom at her computer. She looked worried, so I peeked over her shoulder and saw that she had Googled, "skin cancer." She looked like she had been flipping through the unsightly images for hours, so I asked what was going on. She pointed to a dark spot on her neck and said, "Does this look like skin cancer to you?" I examined it for a minute and said, "Well, I don't know what skin cancer looks like... but I do know what a curling iron burn looks like." She sheepishly turned to me and -- in her best Gilda Radner voice -- said, "Oh. Never mind." We looked at each other for a half second before we both burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter.

I know these things seem small, but they're not. When you put together the thousands of little stories and the traits they embody, you get a portrait of the woman I most admired in the world. You get my mother.

I was 28 years old when I sat at my mom's bedside for our last big moment together -- the morning of December 7, 2010 -- when she passed. Today, I think of her in all the big moments, like my wedding in 2011 or the launch of the Elizabeth Edwards Foundation last year, whenever I could use some of her wisdom or I need a shot of courage. I wish she were here for those big moments. But I also think about her whenever I sing in the car or I switch seats during a UNC game or I have no choice but to make fun of myself. So mostly, I just wish we had more of the moments in between.

"Today we stand up in memory of all those moms we've lost, and all those moms who are in the fight against this vicious disease. Launch a star in memory of someone you love at su2c.org."

Read more about the work of the Elizabeth Edwards Foundation in honor of Cate's mother. 

Read the article on The Huffington Post.

Cate Edwards: "Everyone Deserves an Elizabeth"

This week, I sat down with Savannah Guthrie to help raise awareness of the Elizabeth Edwards Foundation, an educational nonprofit founded in honor of my mom.  I told her about our philosophy that “everyone deserves an Elizabeth,” to usher them through challenges and encourage them to pursue their loftiest dreams.  I was lucky enough to have the real thing.  

When I was young, my mom stayed up late with me if I had to read a book for class the next day. We would take turns reading aloud to each other so that we could each stay awake and follow the storyline.  In high school, my mom drove me around to see 17 different colleges in less than a week, keeping a running list of pros and cons and making me rank each college based on my personal preferences.  

In college, I called her to ask which extracurricular activities she thought I should do, and in law school she pushed me to apply for higher positions on my law journal.  Even in 2010, I went to her to seek her coveted advice on my career as a civil rights attorney.  She was a constant mentor, cheerleader and coach, and I will never stop thanking her for that.

The value of a support system cannot be understated.  It can make the difference for a young person, determining just how bright their light can burn.  We built the Elizabeth Fellows Program for that exact purpose: to fan those flames.  This year, we welcome our first class of Elizabeth Fellows in Raleigh, North Carolina.  This group of kids is driven, smart, and talented, but unfortunately has limited resources and has been met with obstacles to their success.  That has not stopped any of them from dreaming of going to college and envisioning a bright future for themselves.  Our role is to “give them an Elizabeth” to help them get there. 

How do we do it? First, we provide each Fellow with a mentor from a local college to walk with them through high school, help them over social and academic hurdles, and introduce them to college life.   They also receive academic monitoring and support to ensure that they are successful in the classroom, helping them build a solid foundation for years of education to come.   The Fellows also learn a skill that my mom embodied in her own life: advocacy.  Finding their own voice, the Fellows learn to advocate for the things that matter most to them.  Each Spring, the Fellows also design and implement a public service project to address a concern within their community, instilling in them the power of service that my mom so valued.  The Fellows will also receive the support they need for SAT prep, summer experiences, college applications and more.  

The Fellows have expressed the deepest gratitude for the opportunity that the program has given them since they were told of their admission.  Some of them screamed and jumped around with excitement; some had tears in their eyes; others ran to their favorite teachers or called their mothers to tell them.  Many have already said that they want to come back to the program as mentors when they are in college.  Earlier this month, I gave them each a copy of my mom’s first book, Saving Graces.  They immediately started flipping through it, and said they would be staying up late that night reading it.  From that moment, I knew that my mother would be proud; these are exactly the type of kids that she always reached out to help.  And like my mother, I am nothing short of inspired by them.  I hope you’ll go to our website (www.elizabethedwards.org) and learn more about the program and how your assistance can help us bring on more classes of Elizabeth Fellows, grow the program and give more young people “an Elizabeth” of their own. 

See the article on the Today Show Website.

Remembering Elizabeth Edwards: In Her Own Words

Today we remember the passing of Elizabeth Edwards with great sadness, and with even greater purpose.  Just before she passed, Elizabeth shared the words below on Facebook.  We hold them in our hearts still today as we continue her work, her hope that we can make a difference, and her mission to  make the most of our days on Earth by changing the lives of others for the better. We miss you, Elizabeth.

You all know that I have been sustained throughout my life by three saving graces — my family, my friends, and a faith in the power of resilience and hope. These graces have carried me through difficult times and they have brought more joy to the good times than I ever could have imagined. The days of our lives, for all of us, are numbered. We know that. And yes, there are certainly times when we aren't able to muster as much strength and patience as we would like. It's called being human. But I have found that in the simple act of living with hope, and in the daily effort to have a positive impact in the world, the days I do have are made all the more meaningful and precious. And for that I am grateful. It isn't possible to put into words the love and gratitude I feel towards everyone who has and continues to support and inspire me every day. To you I simply say: you know.

-- Elizabeth Edwards, December 2010

Creating Public Servants in Elizabeth's Image

Elizabeth Edwards dedicated her life to public service.  After working in law for twenty years, Elizabeth then focused on education and student success, running the Wade Edwards Learning Lab and serving as a substitute teacher.  Later on in her life she became a champion of equal access health care reform.  Elizabeth’s commitment to serving the public good was spectacular, and we at the Elizabeth Edwards Foundation hope to carry on this legacy and tradition in her honor.

Nowadays, a young person so passionate about public service is somewhat rare—there are many easier, self-serving or glamorous paths that attract the attention of our youth.  But those paths are significantly less enriching and empowering, for both the public servant and those whom they serve.  For this reason, one of the tenants of the Elizabeth Fellows Program is developing a commitment to public service in our students. 

In strong communities, young people find many tools that can help them thrive, including important supports and pathways to success.  Through the Elizabeth Fellows Program, we expect students to give back, to both empower the student and to strengthen the community from which they came.  By reinvesting student energy and passion into their communities, the Fellows program builds bridges between successful individuals and their roots.

We do this through the annual Elizabeth Fellows Service Project.  As a team, Fellows will identify an issue they would like to address within their community or a change they envision will improve their community. They will work together during the spring semester to design and implement a solution, in furtherance of Gandhi’s wise advise: “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

The structure of this project is based on the idea that once students begin to analyze their community’s strengths and weaknesses and then affect positive change, they will be constantly looking for opportunities to help and improve society.  We hope that once graduating from the Elizabeth Fellows Program, our students will make this a part of their life’s commitment, in the same way that it was part of Elizabeth’s. 

Warming Up This Summer at the Elizabeth Edwards Foundation

This summer has been a time of great excitement and growth here at the Elizabeth Edwards Foundation as we prepare to welcome our first class of Elizabeth Fellows in the Fall! Many different facets of the Elizabeth Fellows program are coming together quickly, so we wanted to keep you up-to-date as the first year of our program kicks off. 

The beginning of the academic year will mark the start of the pilot Elizabeth Fellows program at Broughton High School in Raleigh, North Carolina.  We’ve been working with various educators at Broughton, who have each provided us a lot of support by recommending students who may be right for our program.  We are looking for bright students facing challenges who, with the right support, will reach their full academic potential, set and meet important personal goals, and mature into empowered leaders in their communities.

With the application packets now finalized, nominated students will receive them and choose to apply as part of a thorough process to be selected as an Elizabeth Fellow.  Applicants will be chosen based on a range of variables, including their responses to short and long essay questions as well as recommendations.  Once chosen, the students will start the program in early Fall and begin their exciting journey as Elizabeth Fellows.

The Summer Months: Time for Learning Outside the Classroom

Summer is in full swing and students all across the country are trying their hand at various pursuits of their choosing.  It’s the time of year when high school and college students engage in activities to enrich their academic learning and pursue their interests. Summer experiences provide key opportunities to shape and identify one’s passions and interests for the future, while building their résumé.  

A meaningful summer experience can encompass many different activities.  A future writer can try interning for a newspaper to determine if he should pursue journalism as a career.  A skilled math student may take a summer introductory class to figure out if she wants to apply to college as an engineering major.

Though such academic pursuits are obviously important shaping experiences, kids can equally benefit from non-academic endeavors as well.  Student athletes on the brink of a college scholarship may attend sports camps to streamline their abilities and students interested in working abroad may immerse themselves in another country’s language and culture.  The important aspect of a summer experience the pursuit itself—it is anything that will help students move towards their goals and make a productive use of the long summer months.

The problem is that not all students can afford to spend the summer venturing out on their own.  Important responsibilities, such as making money for the school year or caring for family, often prevent ambitious students from pursuing their interests.  Because of restrictions outside of their control, students miss out on opportunities that their peers get to experience. 

For this reason, one component of the Elizabeth Fellows programs involves helping our students find a way to do something productive and enriching between their junior and senior years in high school.  Mentors will help the fellows decide what they would like to explore and make connections with summer opportunities that fit with the student’s obligations.  We want to empower students through summer opportunities that they may otherwise not be able to discover, because everyone deserves the chance to push themselves and discover who they are. 

The Role of Advocacy in Education

Advocacy is often thought of as a tool used by social innovators to attract attention to their cause.  Agents of change rely on advocacy techniques to make a difference, and advocating is most often associated with a public service or a cause. However, advocacy has a real role in the daily life of all students, and indeed, all people.

 

To advocate, or “to plead in favor of” according to Miriam Webster Dictionary, is necessary for any person to succeed in their academic, professional or personal endeavors.  To be an advocate requires many characteristics, including a thorough understanding of a cause or goal, a passion to succeed at that goal, and effective writing and verbal communication skills to benefit the promotion of the goal.

If you think about these characteristics outside of the world of social change, they resemble a set of tools necessary to succeed in everyday life.  Whether applying to college, interviewing for a job or presenting a proposal to their boss, people must advocate for themselves or their ideas.  Understanding, communication skills, and passion to achieve are all vital to success in every walk of life. 

To train students as advocates means giving them the ability and the drive to fight for something they believe in, whether that be their own education or a change within their community.  It means empowering students to take initiative and determine their own futures.

Those who advocate are those who lead. So in order to train tomorrow’s leaders, we must give them the tools to get there. Because before they lead others, they must first learn to advocate for themselves.